I'm sick of letting my big breasts stop me from working out

I’ve started every single home workout programme that you can think of since the beginning of lockdown.

I buy the resistance bands, the skipping rope, set my alarm clock, and I am on an absolute roll. And then a week and a half later, I give up.

But not because of the reasons you may think.

I’m not unfit, or unwilling – I just cannot do jumping jacks or burpees without holding on my breasts for dear life, in fear of them literally hitting me in the face.

They slow me down, they fall out, and I’m never fully comfortable, all because of the additional baggage that I’ve carried on my chest since the age of 12.

As a young child, I lived for sport. I went from winning 70m races at age seven to winning 100m 4×4 relay races a few years later. I lived for training my body in winter and seeing its growth and development in summer.

I relished the occasional days off from school to compete in races against other pupils my age, and coming first. I adored my body for what it could do.

But when I suddenly woke up with large breasts one morning, my relationship with exercise – and myself – changed. I didn’t recognise my body anymore. It couldn’t do what it used to, running wasn’t the same, and training wasn’t the same. So from there, my hot and cold relationship with exercise started.

I couldn’t run as fast as I was previously able to because the wind hit my chest as I sped along the track. I felt slower, less free and like it was the first thing people noticed about me when I ran.

I also couldn’t find a sports bra that made me feel secure and, to be honest, I didn’t want to wear a sports bra, I just wanted to be flat chested again. This meant I felt conscious in changing rooms because I was aware of my body, which I felt looked ‘strange’.

When I read a study that highlighted breast size as the possible cause of a lack of exercise in some women, I wasn’t surprised.

In short: the bigger the boobs, the less physical activity women take part in, especially when it comes to ‘vigorous’ exercise such as running and jumping around. British researchers identified breast insecurities to be a great barrier to physical activity among 250 women surveyed. These women expressed feeling self-conscious about excessive breast movement and discomfort from poor-fitting bras.

I understand that feeling all too well; I’ve felt the frustration of having my breasts spill out of my sports bra mid-exercise. If I am running for public transport, there’s only one thing I need to hold onto.

Every time I felt mentally ready to work out, it was as if my body didn’t agree. I would tell myself ‘mind over matter’ but it was simply too much of a physical obstacle that I couldn’t get over.

One thing about exercising with big breasts is that you can’t hide them. So, going to the gym got old quickly because I felt conscious of people staring at me when I was on the treadmill, or stopping to look at me in a mirror reflection.

I first went to the gym aged 15 when I was in secondary school and we had a sports hall opposite. I then tried my college gym when I was 17, and then in university. All of this never really stuck though, as I just felt uncomfortable.

I would watch people in my workout classes and be envious of the fact they could jump around like they had no care in the world, or run on the treadmill and attract zero attention.

I’ve often worn two normal bras, a sports bra and a tight top at the same time, to try and secure my breasts in place so that I can do a good workout – but nothing’s worked.

I’ve even tried clingfilm to wrap them down, like Amanda Bynes in She’s The Man. Sadly, all my efforts result in having deep grooves in my shoulders, which I then need to spend evenings treating with heat pads.

On another practical level, boob sweat not only sucks but it also causes rashes, and the anxiety that surrounds this is enough to make you not work out for life.

Last summer, I got a skin infection around my breasts from doing spinning classes, which is high intensity cardio. Boob sweat can also have a not so pleasant odour; ask anyone who experiences it, they know the smell!

When I go on Instagram, all the fitness trainers I see have small breasts and I feel disheartened when I can’t keep up with them. For years, I neglected my body because I couldn’t see my torso and concluded that because my breasts took up so much space, the rest of me didn’t matter. It felt like they were the dictator and I had no choice but to oblige.

But at the beginning of this year, I really felt like something had to change. I’m one of those people who will look at the fitness journeys of others – amazed by not only their physical transformation, but their mental one too – screenshot their posts but then never look at them again (we all do it!).

So after my failed attempts during the first lockdown, instead of just wishing things were different, I decided that this was the right time to try again. I thought, ‘Am I going to neglect my health again or am I going to find an alternative?’

I realised that if I wanted to take exercise seriously this time, I would have to make peace with my boobs. They aren’t going anywhere.

What’s working this time is knowing I don’t always need to do high impact workouts to feel like I’m doing something worthwhile: low impact exercises like walking, cycling and star squatting can be just as effective, no jumping required – hurrah.

I always felt like doing high intensity workouts, such as cardio, made me feel physically like I was doing something because I was sweating. But sweating doesn’t necessarily mean you’re burning calories – it’s your body’s response to overheating.

I’ve also found a way around my sports bra issues. I used to feel upset when I couldn’t find a leopard print one with matching bottoms in my size, so I’ve found cheap alternatives that make me feel comfortable.

Everybody’s bodies are different and so for me, I needed to feel secure first but also fabulous. As long as my chest feels tight and secure, I feel free in doing my exercise routines.

Of course, comfortable looks different to everyone, so it’s about seeking out what makes you feel your best. You want something that works as an effective seat-belt (as I like to call it) and to focus on what your body can do, rather than what you feel it can’t.

If the workout is too much for me, I stop – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. And as for the boob sweat, extra deodorant has definitely been a good friend.

I’m slowly walking through the journey of accepting that my body can still do amazing things, even if my chest makes me feel limited.

To anyone else who feels as if their boobs are a workout burden, I sympathise – but as a reminder: it is your body. whatever brings you peace and makes you feel bloody good, do that.

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