'My husband barricaded me into our bedroom to stop me buying booze'

‘My life before sobriety was absolute chaos,’ says Sarah Catchpole, 29.

‘I convinced myself that I didn’t have a drinking problem because I didn’t drink every day or at home by myself. But when I did have alcohol, I’d often end up blacking-out or doing something reckless.’

Sarah was just 14-years-old when she developed a binge drinking habit that would spiral into her adult life, beyond marriage and motherhood. But after a particularly bad bender at the age of 28, she finally decided to quit the booze for good. Now, almost a year into her sobriety, the married mum-of-one from Colchester has transformed her life and her relationships.

‘Now, I’m getting to know and love my authentic self,’ she says. Sarah had her first taste of booze at just seven years old when her mum, who was a single parent, let her have the occasional sip of her Bacardi Breezers. The first time Sarah had her first proper drink was when she was 12, whilst on a camping trip with her friend and her parents.

Sarah says, ‘My friend and I were allowed one alco-pop each. We felt so grown up, but the booze just made me feel fuzzy-headed and sleepy. I couldn’t understand why adults liked it.’

But by the age of 14, Sarah realised that alcohol helped mask her insecurities and escape from an unhappy home-life. She explains, ‘I was quite an anxious person, but alcohol made me feel confident and bolshy.

‘Every weekend became a mission between my friends who could get alcohol. I started drinking vodka, but after it made me sick one night, I switched to cider. It became a warped badge of honour that I could drink as much as the boys, but by the end of the night, I was always the one worst off – either puking up or passing out.

‘Sometimes my mum would have to come and get me. I never really got into trouble for it though.’

Despite drinking from a young age, Sarah did well in her GSCEs and went on to study graphic design at university. She got a part-time job in a pub, which is where she met her now-husband Steve, 37, who was a punter.

Sarah says, ‘We became friends and a year after I graduated, we got together. He had a son from previous relationship, who he’d look after every other weekend. That’s when we’d have a lovely wholesome two days where we’d go bowling or to the cinema.

‘Neither of us drank, but on the weekends when it was just us, we’d go out and party hard with our mates. Sundays were always a complete write-off.’

By then, Sarah was working in a high-pressured job for a design agency and her ‘hang-xiety’ was causing her to wonder if she did actually have a drinking problem.

‘When lockdown hit in March 2020 and we couldn’t go out, I was relieved,’ Sarah says. However, as soon as the restrictions started to lift, she slipped back into her old ways. ‘We had a big garden, so we started having friends over for parties. That’s when my binge-drinking escalated and I started to become territorial about alcohol. I’d buy a 24 crate of Strongbow Summer Fruits and would hide cans around the house, so no one could take them. I’d be fuming if someone did. Alcohol made me selfish and argumentative.’

In February 2021, Sarah found out she was pregnant. ‘Steve and I were over the moon and immediately, I stopped drinking, I didn’t miss it at all.’

In November 2021, Sarah’s daughter Halle was born and she relished in her new role as a mum. But when Halle was four months old, Sarah went out to ‘wet the baby’s head’ and got extremely drunk.

‘I didn’t go out that much after Halle was born, but when I did, I’d often end up drinking to a point where I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’d lose my phone or nearly miss the last train. Steve told me, “I’m not going to tell you to stop drinking, but you need to do something.”’

By then the couple were engaged and Sarah vowed that after their wedding in April 2022, she’d go on a detox.

‘My hen-do in Brighton was a boozy blur but I only got a bit tipsy on our wedding day,’ she says. Sarah felt positive that she could reign in her binge-drinking – but she couldn’t.

‘When Halle was eight months old, Steve and I had a couple of friends over for an afternoon drink. Fast-forward several hours and I was black-out drunk. I don’t remember much, but apparently, I was crying and shouting how much I hated my life and what a terrible mum I was.

‘Thankfully Halle was sound asleep upstairs, but poor Steve had to barricade me in our bedroom because I was trying to go out and get more booze. At one point, I tried to climb out the window. I gave up and I passed out on our bed.

‘When I woke up alone the next morning, I was covered in bruises from my attempt to climb out. I thought: ‘Who do I think I am behaving like that with my baby in the next room?’

‘When I saw Steve, he looked completely deflated. He didn’t even have the energy to be angry. It hit me hard and that’s when I realised I couldn’t drink a single drop of booze again and that I needed help.’

Five days later, Sarah announced the beginning of her sobriety on Instagram because she wanted to keep herself accountable. She downloaded the I Am Sober app and immersed herself in books and podcasts about sober living.

She also went to her GP and got referred for talking therapy. ‘For those first few months, I didn’t go out,’ she says. ‘I just focused on work and caring for Halle and getting better.

‘Steve and my friends and family were really supportive and after few months, I felt ready to socialise. I’d go to meet my friends for dinner or to a work event and then slope off early. My nickname became Sarah Home-By-Nine Catchpole.’

Last month, Sarah enjoyed her first ever sober festival. She says, ‘I had so much fun, enjoying the music and atmosphere without needing to go the bar or the toilet every 30 minutes.’

But she admits the road to sobriety hasn’t been easy. ‘Whilst I was going through therapy, I felt like I was walking around with an open wound. A lot of issues that I’d been masking with alcohol and stuff from my childhood came up to the surface,’ she says.

In one of her sessions, Sarah’s therapist suggested that she get tested for ADHD and last year, she was officially diagnosed. Sarah says, ‘ADHD is tough – it’s like having 50 TV screens playing in your head all at once. I’m not taking any medication for it yet. But having the diagnosis has helped me understand myself a lot better. I also feel a lot more compassion for the old Sarah.’

She adds: ‘Now I’m getting to know and love my authentic self and my relationships with my friends, family and Steve are stronger than ever.’

Although Sarah doesn’t make him, Steve chooses not to drink at home. After work on a Friday, he’ll go for a couple beers. Sarah says, ‘I used to get FOMO, but now I remind myself that the FOMO doesn’t last as long as the hangovers.

‘Now I love waking up every weekend and going to the gym and taking Halle to the park. I used to think life would be boring without booze. But actually, my world is bigger, brighter and way more fun.’

Follow Sarah’s journey on Instagram @shesnotdrinking.

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