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Nick Cannon is back at it again with the hilarious self-deprecating baby daddy content, and this time, he’s every parent panicking about holiday shopping… Times 12. ‘Tis the season!
Posting a Christmas shopping spoof video to his YouTube account, the entertainment mogul wears a festive holiday-themed pajama top and a holly jolly Santa hat while sitting at a table with his laptop in front of the most picturesque Christmas-decorated fireplace we’ve ever seen — it’s complete with a life-sized nutcracker and not one, but two Christmas trees. With 12 kids, we guess he must need two trees to fit all of the holiday gifts under.
The mega daddy begins the video by saying, “It’s almost the holidays, and thanks to me, xanax and diphenhydramine hcl the world now has 8 billion people — But my job’s not done.” Cracking his knuckles, Cannon explains, “It’s time to do some online Christmas shopping, and based off the baby-mama-to-kid ratio, we got a whole h*ll of a lot of gifts to buy.”
“And to start it off, my adorable and jovial offspring gave me a list — Daddy’s got this; it’s gonna be a merry motherf—ing Christmas,” he says with confidence. Typing away at his laptop, Cannon exclaims, “I didn’t get none of this stuff as a kid! Know what my daddy got me? A stick! Used to call me Stick Cannon.”
Cutting to the dad talking on his phone, he says, “No, I can’t afford the whole Lakers. Maybe one of ’em. I could probably purchase one Laker.” The video cuts again, this time to Cannon saying, “All these d*mn gifts, y’all just don’t wanna go to college!” Then he yells, “Twelve PS5s?!? How about I get you a P2 and a half?”
The camera zooms in on his hands at his keyboard, fingers bent in varying directions, with Cannon exclaiming, “I think I got carpal tunnel!” as he cracks a pinky back into place.
Back on his phone, the now-stressed dad asks, “Where are you gonna put a dolphin, little girl?” He then yells, “Huh?,” followed by, “Oh yeah your mama do got an island. Nevermind, okay, I’mma work on the dolphin!”
The camera cuts again to Cannon in a full-blown panic, tossing credit cards at his laptop while exclaiming, “That card ain’t working! That card ain’t working! This card ain’t working either!” On the phone, he yells, “Hello?! Mr. Expressive American?! You said it’s unlimited! It’s a limit to this s—t!” Regaining his composure, Cannon says, “Okay, I’m calm, I’m calm now — can I use my points?”
Now in a spirited seasonal spiral, The Masked Singer host basically screams, “Give me the good stuff!” before taking a swig of booze straight out of the bottle and yelling an enthusiastic, “WOO!” before coughing out “Sh*t!”
The camera cuts to Cannon shouting, “What y’all buying me for Christmas, huh?! I don’t want no more socks; don’t give me no ties, and definitely don’t make me nothing!” Pulling out framed kids’ artwork, he asks, “What am I supposed to do with this, huh? What the h*ll is this? You guys are not artists! I just framed it because I love you!”
Slamming his laptop shut and throwing his arms up, he exclaims, “I quit!,” tossing his hat on the table and defeatedly saying, “I quit. Kiss my a—, Christmas.” Regaining composure, hat back in place, Cannon looks into the camera and says, “Happy holidays, from my big a— family to yours.”
Putting the sprinkles on top of the Christmas cookie treat this video is, a “commercial” plays at the end for a “Baby Daddy Finances” credit card. A disembodied voice says, “Don’t be like Nick Cannon — find financial freedom with the all-new Baby Daddy card, brought to you by Baby Daddy Financial, the new name in Baby Daddy finance.”
The camera cuts back to Cannon on the phone once more, asking “How much can I get for this kidney? Nah, it’s Christmas, it’s Christmastime. Can I put it on layaway?”
He may not be Saint Nick, but Nick Cannon sure is spreading the holiday cheer, and we love to see it.
Looking for some adorable stocking stuffers for your kiddos that won’t break the bank? Check out these options.
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